This piece is at the inventing stage of talk for writing and this child was intending to make the reader think that something bad was going to happen.
Improvement advice could be about secretarial issues; word choice; or how effective it is.
What advice would you give?
At that moment, the door shudened. The bolt rattled nearly about to break. Lightning illuminated the door. The Dursley’s were shaking with fear. Harry hid in the alcove. The door fell off its hinges. They saw an imposing silohette standing in the doorway. His figure was outlined by lightning. He drew himself to full height his wild hair touching the top of the door.